You’re young. You’re creative. You’re hip. You’re happening. You’ve got a fancy haircut and some jeans that are too tight, combined with your fancy pre-aged sneakers, you’re made of cool. So why not get into advertising? Surely that’s where all the cool people hang out? Here’s a list of the cool people you’ll meet.
The Angry Guy
This is your frustrated creative who believes that because they suffered during their junior years, you should too. They thrive off the power this gives them. These are the type of people that believe the last idea you come up with before the presentation, at 11pm the night before, is the best one because, well, they figure you’ve suffered long enough and obviously the idea that had the most blood, sweat and piss poured into it is the best one. As apposed to the amazing ones you came up with in the first brainstorm.
The “I Once Did Something Really Cool” Girl
Several million years ago, when type was still etched into stone tablets by hand and the biggest account you could get your hands on was Dino Burgers 'r Us, this girl did something great. Amazing. It won every award ever made, which were mostly bronze because that was the only metal available at the time. These days, they spend their days doing cocaine off the boardroom table, reminiscing about the good old days. Whenever a brief comes in, they say “We should do it like I did that one campaign. Remember that campaign I did? Yeah. We should do it like that.”
The Perpetual Group Head
This person lives on titles. They’re the deputy-creative-associate-group-head-of-one-person-in-the-group-under-secretary-on-top-of-boardroom-table. The main reason they have this position is that they’ve never actually done anything worthwhile in their careers and they’ve been at this for a while so they really, really, really want something to show for it. Even if it’s just a title that their creative director throws them to keep them happy. This is usually the highpoint (and the ending point) of their careers.
The “Artist”
Advertising is just a stepping-stone for these guys. They’ve got plans. Big plans. Side projects that’ll make your Goddamn head explode. Unfortunately, they didn’t realise that advertising is a 24/7/365 job so they never actually get around to making their big plans happen. But just as soon as they get a minute….
The “New Media Guru”
You’ve seen a few powerpoint presentations on twitter. You know someone with an internet connection. You once opened a webpage. Hell, maybe you’ve even got a blog (like 99% of 13 year olds in the rest of the world). Surely this qualifies you as a *drum roll* NEW MEDIA GURU. Your contribution to brainstorms is usually “Hey, we should totally set up a twitter stream for those guys” and “Let’s do a facebook group!” which is the equivalent of walking into a client presentation and saying “We decided we should totally do a print ad for you guys, what do you think?”
The Writer
Similar to The Artist, The Writer is a journalism major who figured that copywriting was probably the same thing as writing for magazines so why not give it a bash? How different could it really be? They tend to spend their time writing long copy and when they get briefed to come up with an idea for a new campaign, they come up with headlines because hey, that’s what writers do… right?
The “This Is A Rad Opportunity” Dude
Everything’s an opportunity. A brochure. A sticker on the back of the pack. A flier being handed out in a parking lot. This guy believes he can win the Cannes Grand Prix for proofreading a menu, if he can just workout a cool, unique, new way to proofread. Like burning each letter into his own skin and then entering his entire body into the awards circuit.
The Talker
This guy’s amazing. How do you know how amazing he is? He’ll tell you how amazing he is. He’ll also tell you about all the cool shit he found online (it’s almost like he came up with it himself). You’re know he’s around when you overhear the following conversation:
“Hey there goes Captain Awesome, he’s like the best writer in the world!”
“Rad, what’s he done?”
“I don’t know but he’s freaking –awesome-.”
The Messenger
This is the account executive who believes her responsibilities start and end with taking a message from the client, delivering it to the studio and replying to the client with what the studio says. A shaven monkey could do this job.
The Nice Person
Rare as all hell, the nice person is, more often than not, the creative director who takes care of his staff, the work they produce and the environment they work in. He genuinely cares and because communication is based on empathy, he’s incredibly good at what he does. Like I said, rare as all hell.
The Amazing AE
This account executive actually understands the work she’s selling, the client she’s selling it to and the people who produced the work. She doesn’t sell shit and won’t accept it either. She sells what she believes in and because of this, she always wins.
The Obsessed Designer
This guy can spend hours deciding between two different blues, a few pixels apart and has a reason for every single design decision he makes. You think that line’s an accident? Think again, that represents the company’s freaking love life. Everything has a reason and a purpose. Question him at your own peril.
The “We Don’t Actually Know What We Want” Client
They just want you to have fun with it. Play around. Treat it as an award’s “opportunity” (you will learn to hate this word). When you present to them, they love everything. Except the concept. Then they tell you what they really want you to do.
The Client Who Does What They Do Best
They make sandals out of badgers and I’ll be damned if these aren’t the finest shoes made out of the finest badgers, ever. They care about what they make and want to be the best at it. And they expect you to be the best at what you do: coming up with great work. You don’t tell them how to skin a badger, they don’t tell you how to write a headline. Rare.
The Amateur Comedian
Look how funny he is! He should be a comedian. Seriously. He should quit his job and get on stage somewhere.
The Lifestyle Liver
They couldn’t actually give a flying fuck about the work, they just like people knowing that they work in advertising and going to advertising parties. Happy to float along on the river of cocaine.
The Ancient Party Animal
Pushing 50, still snorting up a storm and insisting that you get drunk with him after work. See The Lifestyle Liver but older.
The Awards Pusher
We should win some awards. Totally. That'll turn the place around. Let's get some motherfucking awards up in here! Of course, because their mental dialogue consists of "I've got to win an award. I've got to win an award. I've got to win an award." instead of "The jeans are blue...what else is blue...maybe jeans flying in the sky... or in the ocean." they never actually do anything worth awarding. This eventually leads to them becoming either The Angry Guy or The Perpetual Group Head.
Me
Sometimes, I'm everyone on this list. I try to keep a nice balance.
_________________
